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What Is a Husband’s Biggest Mistake? Part III

By Ernest DeFilippis

From the Aesthetic Realism Seminar of April 19, 200l, given by Aesthetic Realism Consultants Chaim Koppelman, Ernest DeFilippis, & Bennett Cooperman

From an Aesthetic Realism Consultation

I love teaching what I’ve learned to men in Aesthetic Realism consultations, men I respect very much, like the man I’ll call David Gerard. In one consultation Mr. Gerard, married three years, spoke about having gotten angry with is wife, Ann, because she him," as he put it; that is, she didn’t see a particular situation the way he assumed she did. He was ashamed of his anger and wanted to understand it.

We asked him "Do you think one of the classic mistakes husbands make is, they think they own their wives and therefore know them?"

David Gerard. I can see that happening very easily.
Consultants. Has it happened? Mr. Gerard laughed affirmatively. And we asked, "Does Ann Gerard confuse you?" DG. Sure she does.   Consultants. Is it happily confused? Is it, "Yes, she confuses me, but I want to know more," or she should just see things your way so everything is nice and smooth?   DG. I think it’s both.   Consultants. Do you think men have given the message to their wives, "I don’t want to be bothered by how complex you are"?   DG. Yes.   Consultants. And then a situation may come up and a man can feel, "How dare she cause me to have to think!" Mr. Gerard nodded. He was seeing he had not wanted to think about why his wife felt as she did. We asked him: "Do you think you have complacency?" "Complacency?" he responded. "Yes, complacency," we said, and gave an example: Did Mr. Gerard think there was complacency in his saying earlier with a quality of complaint, "I don’t know how to ask her questions sometimes!"? DG. Now that you say that, yes.   Consultants. Do you think men want to see themselves as complacent?   DG. No.   Consultants. Right. What we tell ourselves is that "I’m doing a hell of a good job under tough circumstances trying to understand her, and she should be grateful without limit!" Should we say, "Mr. Gerard—he’s a good guy. Give him a break. What more can you ask"? "No," said David Gerard, relieved, "I don’t want that." He laughed seeing how ridiculous and arrogant it is to think we know a person, when a person is—as Mr. Siegel described—the most complex form of reality. And we said: "Ann Gerard may surprise you again. The whole world is in her. This is the beautiful thing Aesthetic Realism teaches."
Continued  >> "A Wife Stands for the World"
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Copyright 2005 by Ernest DeFilippis