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Vanity versus Happiness:
Can a Man Distinguish Between Them?



By Ernest DeFilippis
--  Part 4  --
Public Seminar of August 28, 2003 at the Aesthetic Realism Foundation,141 Greene St., New York, NY 10012 


Are You Capable of Being Resplendently Just to A Woman?

This is a question Mr. Siegel asked me and one we asked Ray Stankowsky* when he told his consultants he was troubled about an argument he had with his girlfriend Kate Stanley: "It all started when Kate acted displeased with me and I got angry and yelled, 'What do you want from me!?'" 

Consultants.   That's a good question. Do you think men have liked thinking about what a woman feels, what she's yearning for?  Men have felt, "If she's got me what else can she want?"

Ray Stankowsky.   Yes, I've felt that. 

Con.   Something in us thinks it's paradise to own a woman have her as an oasis, away from a difficult world.  Is that why she was born, to comfort you and in doing so her hopes were met? 

RS.   Obviously not.  But you just take it for granted.

Con.  Do you think men have felt superior to women, felt their minds are keener?

RS.   They say it's a man's world.

Con.   What do you think Kate was angry at?

RS.   That I didn't show much appreciation to her.

         A man's vanity has wanted to make a woman's discontent smaller than it is, thinking all she needs is a little affection and a lot of attention and everything will be all right. We asked:

Con.  Does she miss something from you?  Does she feel you want to know her--the Kate of Kate's--what she feels to herself?

RS.   No.

Con.   Do you think there is something in terms of her mind she is hoping to feel and express?

RS.   Yes.  But I have no idea...I haven't thought about it.

Con.   Is this good news?

RS.   It is, because I will try to explore it now. 

Con.  What is Kate trying to get to for her whole life--and do you want to be a friend to her there?

RS.   Yes, I do.

What Mr. Stankowsky is learning every man has the right to know! 

* Name has been changed. 

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